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Five Finger Death Punch: War is the answer

24/09/09 || Lord K Philipson

My version of a five finger death punch is when you shove yer King Kong sized fist, going 3000 mph’s, up someone’s ass while singing “Kumbaya My Lord”, falsetto-style. Very year 2000 when it comes to the moniker and I have always laughed when I’ve seen it displayed on my monitor, thanx to Blabbermouth or something, in the past. I didn’t give a fuck about them or their music though, as in so many cases when it comes to bad fucken band names. It’s always important to bring up the issue of band names, just so you know.

So, I laughed, did a somersault and then, for some fucken idiotic reason, I decided to check them out. Don’t even ask me why. Ask your momma – I spent last night with her. And she sucked. In more ways than you could imagine.

I don’t even know what that means.

I wonder how long it will take (hopefully forever, though) before these guys are considered very much the hottest thing since fried penis… You now the drill; FFDP are from America and they play some half-metal, created for the sole reason to enter the charts and make the members gain access to every 13 year old chick’s panties. Yeah, cheesy, melodic and quite catchy at times – but ultimately lacking any kind of brutality (not to mention honesty) though they do throw in a few of those parts that are supposed to make them somewhat brutal, but it’s just not happening. Mix all that up with some very “manly” screaming vocals and a shitload of clean (they sound all fine though, who would have guessed?) vocals and kindergarten lyrics (“Do you take me for a fool? How does it feel to be a tool? To me you’re just a cancer. Motherfucker – war is the answer!”) that I suppose were inspired by “Commando” by Arnold Schwarzenegger or something along those lines.

Sigh…

Musicwise it’s not too horrible actually. It’s not a five finger death punch in the face – more like a 2 finger tickle on yer balls. Kinda enjoyable but ultimately irritating the further it goes on. But it’s definitely a lot better than what I expected (not too hard since I expect absolutely shit from new US based bands playing The New Wave Of American Metal disease) it to be. Sometimes it sounds like the fantastically repulsive and nauseating Crazy Town (listen to the intro of “Crossing over” and prepare to become Barf Simpson) before it quickly changes to Alice In Chains inspired shit (vocal lines), and before you know it we have the semi-aggressive (but still somewhat catchy) half-metal popping up here and there together with some cute Slipknot influences (“Dying breed”, and pretty much any other “hard” song). But mostly FFDP is about melody and quite half-catchy riffs, you know the kind of music the MTV generation wants when it comes to “metal”.

Sure, sometimes the clichés just take over to the extent of even Switzerland being ashamed of the cheese (listen to “Bad company”), but for most parts it works with me, at least to some extent. There’s no denying it; this is background music to the fullest, but even that serves a purpose at times, you know.

FFDP… They aren’t completely horrible, as mentioned. I take this act over pretty much any other US band of this school these days. And that’s not saying that FFDP is an awesome band, but it’s definitely saying that the majority of the bands in this genre are fucken disgustingly shit to the max.

Best track? “Hard to see”. Oh, what are the chances that guitarists Zoltan’s last name is his birth-given one, haha… Get the fuck out of here. By the way, looks like he did get the fuck out of here. Then again, it seemed like a bad publicity stunt coz obviously he was, as expected, all of a sudden located again.

Now everyone, sing fucken with me:

For the sun that rises in the sky
For the rythm of the falling rain
For all life, great or small
For all that’s true, for all you do

Kumbaya my lord, Kumbaya
Kumbaya my lord, Kumbaya
Kumbaya my lord, Kumbaya
O Lord Kumbaya

Information
Released: 2009
Label: Firm Music
Website: www.fivefingerdeathpunch.com
Band
Ivan Moody: vocals
Zoltan Bathory: rhythm guitar
Jason Hook: lead guitar
Matt Snell: bass, backing vocals
Jeremy Spencer: drums

Tracklist
01. Dying Breed
02. Hard To See
03. Bulletproof
04. No One Gets Left Behind
05. Crossing Over
06. Burn It Down
07. Far From Home
08. Falling In Hate
09. My Own Hell
10. Walk Away
11. Canto 34
12. Bad Company
13. War Is The Answer

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